![]() The former exhibit an ability to question the veracity of outside opinions and have a more positive sense of themselves than those who didn’t benefit from a parent-like relationship outside their family. In my psychotherapy practice, I can readily differentiate between my adult patients from difficult homes who were fortunate enough to have a found parent and those who were not. In this context, children can grow up deeply insecure and believing they are at fault for not being worthy of their mother’s unconditional love. This could also help dispel the social tropes that elevate the power of a mother’s love above all else and serve to reinforce an unhealthy echo chamber in which all mothers are above reproach. It could go a long way toward relieving them of the burden of how to describe their importance to outsiders and incorporate them fully into their lives as they age – a difficulty that’s often part of the reason these mother substitutes remain hidden. That would not only go a small way toward repaying their kindness and encouraging others to do the same, but it would also help remove the shame and stigma that children who bond with other mothers often feel. It would be so much healthier if we could expand our vision of Mother’s Day to publicly include these adults and thank them for the care and devotion they provided. Yet too often, these relationships can remain mostly hidden in our culture. It sends a powerful message to society as well as the children themselves that they are worth investing in, and that message should be reinforced by public appreciation and celebration. When an adult takes on the responsibility of helping to raise a child outside of their own family, whether by giving them a warm bed or just being a steady, supportive presence, it does more than fill that child’s gaping need for love and guidance. Opinion: How a restaurant menu became a metaphor for how America fails its mothers Concept of healthy and natural baby breastfeeding nutrition. Newborn baby boy sucking milk from mothers breast. For children in these circumstances, like myself, a found mother can be nothing short of a life saver. While our society has a shameful track record of unfairly blaming mothers for all sorts of ills and conditions, there are, admittedly, mothers who, for a myriad of reasons, parent in a way that compromises their child’s development. Her own wishes always came first I rarely felt seen or heard by her. She could be incredibly fun, but she was not reliable. Our relationship was fraught with hurt and disappointment. I never lived with my mother again, though I did meet her for outings in New York City on the occasional weekend. This was the start of the disintegration of my family, leading to both my older brothers leaving home soon thereafter. Unfortunately, her desire to lead a life filled with these pursuits for her felt incompatible with being a stay-at-home mother in the 1960s, so she divorced my father and moved into her own apartment when I was 11 years old. She was my role model for embracing culture, travel and education. ![]()
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